You're my everything

I share a multi-faceted relationship with my roommate S

The Child
Me (posing for her): S, does this dress look nice?
S (without looking up from her laptop): Uhun.
Me: Can I wear these sandals with the dress?
S (without looking up from her laptop): Uhun.
Me: This lipstick?
S (without looking up from her laptop): Uhun.
Me: Can I grow my beard?
S (without looking up from her laptop): Uhun.

The Mother
Me: S, you better clean up this mess right now. Look at your room. It looks like a pigsty.
S (guilty-faced): Yeah I’ll do it.
Me: When?
S: Soon
Me: I don’t know why you can’t put things back into the right place. Just keep everything back in its right place and there’ll never be a mess to clear up.

The Wife
Me: …and I got such a good deal at the market. Imagine Heinz Baked Beans cans at just Rs. 30 per can…
S (busy working on some office work she has got home): Ok
Me: You’re not even listening to me.
S: I am listening while I work.
Me (in a very hurt tone): You never listen to me.

The Husband
Me (Tring Tring): Hullo. S?
S: Yeah.
Me: I am going out with friends for a drink or two. Don’t wait up for me. I’ll be late.